If only life didn’t have the tough seasons.
2012 was no doubt a year of blessing for me; I was given a great deal of joy and happiness, I spent a year with a lot of time off and created good memories with lovely people. I was also privileged to spend time working in Nauru and making friends who I one day hope to see again in Australia starting their own lives over.
2013 started out with a tearful post of gratitude and everything began to fall apart from there.
Although God has held my hand through it all, and although I’ve been showered with opportunities including full-time employment and this Photography Diploma (and although I’m incredibly thankful for these new adventures), I’ve spent this last few weeks experiencing a great deal of heartache over losing my best friend somewhat unexpectedly, and more recently, losing a member of our church and with it, discovering a whole ugly truth which has hurt in more ways than one and reverberated in waves of pain through the whole congregation. Some will already know details of these things, as well as other obstacles I’ve had to overcome in the past few weeks, but for those who don’t, I can probably sum it up in saying it’s resulted in feelings of betrayal and humiliation, inward-pointing questions over my ability to trust people, as well as nights full of tears and mornings trying to cover up the aftermath with make up and enthusiasm for the day ahead.
I’ve had a number of truly precious friends dedicate time to me in different ways, having lunch together, drinking coffee and/or interesting cocktails (in respectful moderation), exploring new places, offering a shoulder to cry on, or even just sitting with me in silence staring blankly at the TV with me. These people have made the past few weeks bearable, and many times, even enjoyable. I hope my beautiful friends realise how irreplaceable they are. I thank God for you.
I understand that a relationship with God doesn’t take away all the pain of life, and any church that preaches that message is going to disappoint a lot of people. But having God as my companion does give me someone to talk (or cry) to when no one else is there, and thankfully my dear YHWH has looked after me and loved me extravagantly.
This is the post I was afraid to write when I was writing the last post (now there’s a confession). I guess part of me knows that whiney sad posts aren’t fun to read, and I don’t want to put people through all the stupid details. Or maybe I must still care too much what people think of me. Or maybe I just didn’t know how to put it into words until now. I don’t know.
I guess right now, God is carrying me through a valley, and although I’ve been blessed with many things while I tackle these problems, I’m still struggling through. As far as I know, plans are staying as they are, with the departure date standing sometime in June 2013. I’m still praying as the days and weeks go by that God’s voice will be clear to me and that I’ll have the courage to obey it. I guess in posting this I’m asking for prayer from those who have been following along my journey; the past few weeks haven’t been easy, but I’m thankful that the Lord has been so graceful to me. Pray that I will be able to move forward. Thank you, each of you.